Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Evil child, I shalll take your panties on a salver!

It is with considerable dismay and displeasure that I notice and observe that the evil and depraved miss Snooky Wong again lampoosn and snarks me!

In this horrid post:
Parsee plus Lawyer and Panties equals chowder head

Have you no decency, petite bitchette, have you at last no decency? I ask with trembling brow.
You are a mincks. Completely.

Do NOT blame the rabbit!

That you got miserable and sick and stomach-churningly awful from eating all the Easter chocolates, well then whose fault is that except your own? Did I force you? Did I offer you a bucket full of dark temptation? Did I hold down your softly writhing form while proffering bonbons to those parted cherry lips? Well?

And you must answer NO. It is yourself at fault alone. Because you dared not give me your contact information, most unrightly fearing that an upstanding fine LAWYER such as myself would risk all by attempting to seduce a delicate teenage miss.
Heavens to betsy! I am offended.

I have already told you a thousand times, a veritable lakh of times indeed, in as many copious details, that I am not interested in you. Far otherwise in the slightest, the only intellectual curiosities I have concerning yourself is for your cotton nether bits. A subject of deep thought. The delightsome girlish rumpous within, although undoubtedly as fine a piece of work as any (and do please describe!), is of utterly no fascination whatsoever. I would not want it. Even if you offered it to me on a silver platter with bells and tassels attached. And I demand that you test that presumption, so that I may prove my innocence by glancing sneeringly thereat, without further ado about it. I shall but glare in its direction!

I have the bells and tassels, little miss, where are you? Pale blue, please, with the merest of lace edgings. It is an intellectual quest, and curiosities must be satisfied.

Bikini briefs, French cut, or sporty type, it is me all good.

Can I offer you some fine imported chocolate? A gift-wrapped three pound box?


GRUNT!PATEL! said...

Mr. Patel, methinks, doth protest way too much. Get thee to a psychoanalyst! Or find a new hobby (like the one suggested by the above link, perhaps).


Grantipoo, you are a complete loony.


It's people like you wot cause unrest.


Completely, irredeemably, and in all particulars, stark raving insane.


Trust me, you need help. Years and years of thereapy.

Perhaps even electro shock.

helpfully amphibious said...

Or perhaps he could relieve the tension like a good little teabagging?

GRANT!PATEL! said...

I am NOT a republican! I still have my youthful vigor! And can dance!

---Grant Gotrythmboy

GRANT!PATEL! said...

And I do NOT need electroshock. I am already sparky enough, and we do not want to frizz our lovely locks.

Trust me. Coconut hair oil yes. Electric curlywuzzah, no.

Very zesty.

---Grant Omarsharifiandashandpizzaz

Eric at the post office, who is not in business of issuing licences with the word "dog" crossed out and the word "cat" written in in crayon, said...

You ARE a loonie.

GRANT!PATEL! said...

I'm not! I have a license right here.

Wait... was this speaker on? A darn, now the poxy German tourists think I'm one of you.

---Grant Nichtericneinneinnein