Monday, June 22, 2009

Sardar bomb squad

Two Surd police officers discover two bombs. They decide to take them back to the station. One Sardar Affser asks the other: "what to do if one of them explodes?"
Other responds: "then we only mention one bomb."

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Whip me beat me call me Edna

Oh bhaiye, it appears that I have pierced the delectable miss Wong to the quick! And how heatedly she rejects my friendly attentions! I am bereft! Not to say aghast!
And I smile!
This is several more attentions than she has given me in many dark lonesome months. Which must be good. Her gilded walls are slowly crumbling. Soon there will be progress!
Of which I can be but confident.

I shall take the liberty of quoting her very own post upon my subject.

"---Grant Patel is probably the worst pervert in Northern california. "
I am an expert, miss Wong, as I am glad that you acknowledge. I know of what.

And also:
"---Am I the only object of your unclean pursuits mister Patel? Are there no Indian or Pakistani girls you could harass? Is your life really that empty and sad that I represent your likeliest prospect?"
Yes, the only. No, there aren't. No, it isn't. But yes, I wish it to be you. You thrill me endless.

"---Why don't you place an ad in the papers if you are so desperate?"Smarmy Parsi lawyer seeks weak-minded Indian female. Age no object. Must like long walks on the beach, dogs who hump legs, and applying choke-holds"."

All from here:

What makes you think I possess a dog, miss Wong? But never mind.

Is it not evident in all particulars, you sweet mincks, that precisely your sharp retorts do tempt me? Has it not been obvious that your lack of shy and subdued response is the attractive element indeed? Can you not see that the concept of a small sharp chile pepper such as you so often prove yourself to be is the magnetism that pulls the gentle Parsee only?

Spicy temptress!!!! Naughty naughty naughty!!!! Weeeeee!!!!!!

You may strike me with your purple velvet bullwhip if you choose, miss Wong. I shall not flinch. Nay, far otherwise, I await your every stroke.

Your delicate touch can do no harm, no matter the device of dominating. Even leather and studs, or riding crops and spurs.
A mere four and a half feet tall? Then I shall wuzza wuzza wuzza your little round head!

Do you come riding at me on that throbbing Kawasaki Ninja of which you so lovingly spoke?
Indeed, I await the wheel. Your burning rubber is a thrill. I would be a part of it.

You also may whatever undergarments you choose, miss Wong, I shall not belabor the detail. And I will not raise objection. French cut, boy brief, bikini - it is all very good. Even baggy granny pants (size four small if I correctly remember, yes?).
It is but a minor detail of utmost importance. Your own fine choices.
I do keenly wish you to wear whatever scantillilaces are your fancy, though I advocate a tightness around the plumpness, and not too much other coverage - breath, miss Wong, breathe!

Remember, any time you wish to dine upon my spicy prawn curry, you have but to ask.
I shall be there for you. I am here. I am a gentleman and a cook.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Petite gold skin, crash helmet, lace most excellently!

The notorious panty stealer Atboth presumes to call me an "all-round perverse fetishist"!
How he should dare! The nerve of him! He does not know the half of it only! And I am extremely upset. Extremely!
Because were it not for my very good offices, little miss Wong would have no one to compare him to, and would inevitably come concluding that Atboth himself, NOT Mister Grant Patel Esquire (which is me!) is the world's big pervert. He should thank me kindly.
But okay, it is a plaesure. He is welcome.

As is described but imperfectly here:

What, you want undoubtedly to know, is the pretext of this outrage? And I shall tell you.
Miss Snooky Wong wishes a motorbike for her graduation, that being an event scheduled in the future when she has finished high school - probably Lowell High School (1101 Eucalyptus Dr, San Francisco, CA 94132 (415) 759-2730), and almost certainly magna or summa cum laude - and probably one or two years to come. Shabash!

She details her motor yearnings in this touching post:

I applaud most heartily this desire on her part. A delicate Cantonese maiden vrooming around San Francisco on a big macho muscle-bike is topnotch. Oh yes. Entertainments!
The sun on her golden skin, the wind in her long raven hair, the delicate dark lace garters or tight constrictive frilly undergarments of enticement only, and the matte-finished helmet for protecting of the head, these are all things of utmost goodness.

Any other clothing, not so much. As it would get in the way. And might get snagged in the roaring motor. Only further thing would be high-heeled pumps in black or blood red.

Black lace for pale creamy, dark dark brown for a warm tan color.

Miss Wong, the moment you have your motorbike, let me know please. I shall with gladness invite you to my home for lovely photos. Before and after! The young lady posing against the shiny steel. A warm thigh seductively clamped around the metal frame. A delicate hand upon the saddle.
A plate of zesty prawn curry and rice shall be yours!
Even before then. I am keen to discuss this matter. And givien your temper, oh small spit-fiery one, I fear you need a lawyer soonest.
Legal shielding denoues into affection, no doubt. It is a prospect.

In addition to law, I am also expert at various garmentings and accoutrementies for the teenage famele person's fine athletic body, and can advise you excellently.
Let desperation be your guide!

Friday, June 12, 2009

I advise: ignore the poisoned blister

Mr. Atboth, who smells unfortunately of stale cigars, has indicated that he may be pursued or probably so by an angry person from Berkeley, that possibly most likely being the anonymous Stephen Pearcy, who is married to brillant dark haired temptress and also lawyer mrs. Pearcy.

He asks in many and several ways about ethics and legality of whatever it is that he has been doing on his blog, in most particular this post here:

Is there an ethical breach, he asks, and of considerably less importance, is it actionable?

You are asking me about ethics? In my capacity of lawyer? I am bowled over.
You yourself are fit to answer that more than me, as I assume that collection agents and repo wallahs have more ethical boundaries that they dare not cross. Law and ethics in practice do not overlap so much, the ven diagram is extremely lean.

Whether what you said about the lean and lovely mister Pearcy and the hungry unwashable mister Anderson is actionable, I believe you are safe. I assume that you ran it by counsel before publication date, precautionarily, and gathered their addresses as a measure.
If not, no great or particular matter. Freedom of speech.
And truth is a great safeguard.

But then evenso, ethical. Very well. Was it ethical of the Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists (hereafter called BFUU) to welcome mister Gilad Atzmon to perform at a sham-e-ghazall or wht the soever it was benefit for terror apologistes and Hamas supporters? Was it ethical of them to let their hall and reputations be fiercely ripped by having a hate-filled bigot of the most doubtfull political extreme playing sweet musics in their inner sanctum? Is the promotion of the destruction of Israel by any means but mostly jihadi really and truly what the Berkeley First Unitarian Universalists are to be henceforth known for?

Do these looks like honest faces to you? Do they even have alibis? Where they not there in their various mass to open the gate and let him in? And did they in anyway object to having a green jihadi banner waved outside their temple?
How does this sit with the people of Berkeley, I must wonder. How does it sit?

Ethics, in my humble opinions, are not the issue here. Poncy dyed hair like a Pakistani tribal on top of head is. Despite buff musculiture of protest bigot in questions. Bad taste!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Netherlands beat English, Pakis beat Netherlands!

Hah! And alas! The Netherlandish cricket team beat English, then got beaten by Pakistan! How do you feel now, mister Atboth, how do you feel now? And it is a shame!

The world would have cheered you, lauded you fiercely, and praised your several achievements, had you but beat the stuffings out of those bhainch...t pakis. And you should have! Cricket is a measure of morals, mister Atboth, it is a game of gentlemen. How and why the Pakis dare play it is mysterious, and that you did not defeat them is a blot on the old escutcheon. Be ashamed!

What an utter defeat for goodness and light. Pakistan victorious, what disaster! For shame! For shame! Oh woe woe woe!!!
Indeed you should bow your many million heads, that this buggery bollocky Paki lauras did triumph.


Went down to civic centre on Saturday and my heavens! There was a rabble there! On one side of the street, Richard Becker and his very tiny penis, plus some Israel-hatred cultmembers, and on the other side, rowdy Jews!

I will admit, I like rowdy Jews. I know several.

Richard Becker, on my other hand, not so much. Not, in fact, at all. And the minisculosity of his prehensile member is not at all to do with it. The man is a little puke.
As, of course and naturally also, his Jew-hating naxalite goondas.

Now, it has come to my attentions, that the delectable miss Snooky Wong was also down there that day and that hour. And that she was searching for notorious panty thief ATBOTH.
I shall quote from this post:
In which she says (and I quote): "I tried to spot Atboth, 'cause I thought it would be fun to finally meet him, but I couldn't tell who he was. There was nobody there smoking a pipe. And I don't know what he looks like. "

Zooks! And madrchu........!!!!!!!

I was there! Not only the man who smells of stale cigars, but me!!!! I too was being there! You could have and should have been looking for and at me!


Little mincks, why do you waist your time on forsaken pursuits. Why must you so decisivly ignore my several well known manlish attributes? Unlike Richard Becker, I have normal sized parts, and unlike Atboth (who smells of stale cigars), I reek of fresh clean tobacco, and spices.
I am the very epigramme of an exotic likeable chap.

Promise me this, little miss, next time you forget about the stale Dutchman and look for the handsome clearfaced desi with merest whisp of white at temples, waving waving waving gaily a gift of dark dark lace. And nothing else!

Oh, and ignore the gnomish man with the bad front teeth, sourpuss face, and spectacles. That would be Richard Becker, who as everyone already knows has a very very very tiny penis.
I cannot imagine that you or anyone else might have any interest in him, he is unimportant in the slightest. As fits.

Sardar general

A young Sardar is being checked by the military doctor prior to joining the army. The doctor asks him what he wants to be while in the service.
"A general!"
"Tum pagal hai! A general! Are you mad?!?"

"Why, is that a requirement?"

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Gilad Atzmon and the BFUU - a match not even a Pakistani could love

Sometime friend and fellow conspirator Atboth writes about an egregious offense. And it is worth sharing, indeed. So I shall gladly post about it.

Gilad Atzmon, who is a self-hating saxophonist and proffesional Israel hater, is scheduled to perform a benefit for other Jew haters at the Berkeley First Unitarian Universalist (BFUU) Hall, 1924 Cedar at Bonita, Berkeley, on Monday JUNE 8.

How clear it now is that the BFUU (The Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists) are also abundantly Jew hating. How else could this be explained?
And how traditional for both a church, and a city such as Berkeley.

Atboth writes: "What is truly reprehensible is that the Unitarian Universalists in Berkeley have jumped on the anti-Semitic bandwagon. Hosting Gilad Atzmon cannot be seen as anything else. Gilad Atzmon is opposed to the existence of Israel, in the same way as the Women in Black, in the same way as ISM, in the same way as so many groups in the Bay Area. It is an instinctive, culturally sanctioned, and utterly ideological hatred of Jews and of a predominantly Jewish state.It represents a complete rejection of Jewish values, Jewish identity, and Jewish worth.The Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists, by hosting this event, prove themselves worthy heir to every tyrant and depraved ideologue in the pantheon.It was probably too much to ask that they take a stand against socially approved politically correct bigotry - it would be so very un-Berkeley and far too decisive.One just can not expect that of them."

Indeed. How very true. And how throughly disgusting that the BFUU should provide a venue.
As a lawyer, and as a professional pervert, I have to wonder what induced the BFUU to go ahead with this? Was there something sexual about it? Seeing as so many of the anti-Zionist Jews have gender issues and sexual confusion as the dominant metphores of their lives, was there something bi-, ambi-, a-, or poly- sexual about the decision?

Bluetruth writes: "Atzmon is also a fan of one Paul Eisen, a far right ideologue in the UK who wrote an article promoting the Holocaust denial revisionism of Ernst Zundel. Atzmon circulated and promoted the article. "
"It's bad enough that BAWIB endorses and participates in ANSWER's rallies, which feature overt anti-Semitism. Regarding BAWIB using Atzmon to raise funds for its own efforts to rewrite history, the only phrase that comes to mind is the one which with attorney Joseph Welch challenged the demagoguery and bullying on Senator Joseph McCarthy in 1954: "Have you no sense of decency? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?"

Key question, as in soap operas, being: 'who sleepetheth with whom?'
Now that Bay Area Women in Black is pulled into eyesight, the equation becomes even more Byzantine. Next we know, ex-supervisor Ammiano or one of his proxies will also hove into view. This is becoming one big sopping group-orgy of sex-hate. To whose orgasmic ulterior motives?

Forsooth! We shall never know. And in truth we are not wanting to know. Utterly not!!!
The degeneracies that go on in sanctified halls are not our concern, far otherwise indeed! That Gilad Atzmon may have trumpeted his hatred for Jews and Israelis from the rooftops of London for benefit of his musical career and his genderbending proclivie is even likewise not something we shall speculate about. We assert it not in the slightest! We are repulsed.

We simply cannot fathom someone who so despicably covorts with extremists and supporters of murder, synagogue burning, bomb belts, and ethnic cleansing!

But evenmore!

Quote: "LAS VEGAS, March 26 - Rael, founder and leader of the International Raelian Movement, has bestowed the title of Honorary Raelian Priest upon British jazz musician, composer and writer Gilad Atzmon.
During the 35-year history of Raelianism, the special distinction of Honorary Priest has been awarded only a few dozen times. It is reserved for those who place the pursuit of truth, justice, love and equality above selfish considerations – including their careers."

[Raelianism: The practice of Raelianism is a contemporary spiritual phenomenon that first arose after Claude Vorilhon’s report of an encounter with extra-terrestrials in France in 1973. Denying the existence of an autonomous God, Raelianism recognizes the Elohim, man’s alien Creators, as the source of human life, its purpose, and its eternal well-being. Made in the Elohim’s image, man’s time on Earth is to be spent pursuing greater knowledge of infinite life, which Raelians believe lies in DNA. Through the mastery of cloning, Raelians are confident that they can achieve eternal life and thus reunite with their extra-terrestrial Creators for Infinity.
Source link: .
Go ahead, read their material. Clearly, they're nuts. More so than Unitarians, possibly on par with self-hating Israelis and Jazz musicians. Sweet jebus I say!]

I have no doubt that they love Gilad Atzmon in Pakistan, Ramallah, Gaza, Turkey, ... and, of course, London. 'Nuff said. He's a prick.
Berkeley too will love him. Wetly and energetically.
And Berkeley is the anti-Christ of cities.
Twisted love is what it's all about.
Filthy sponge!