Thursday, June 18, 2009

Whip me beat me call me Edna

Oh bhaiye, it appears that I have pierced the delectable miss Wong to the quick! And how heatedly she rejects my friendly attentions! I am bereft! Not to say aghast!
And I smile!
This is several more attentions than she has given me in many dark lonesome months. Which must be good. Her gilded walls are slowly crumbling. Soon there will be progress!
Of which I can be but confident.

I shall take the liberty of quoting her very own post upon my subject.

"---Grant Patel is probably the worst pervert in Northern california. "
I am an expert, miss Wong, as I am glad that you acknowledge. I know of what.

And also:
"---Am I the only object of your unclean pursuits mister Patel? Are there no Indian or Pakistani girls you could harass? Is your life really that empty and sad that I represent your likeliest prospect?"
Yes, the only. No, there aren't. No, it isn't. But yes, I wish it to be you. You thrill me endless.

"---Why don't you place an ad in the papers if you are so desperate?"Smarmy Parsi lawyer seeks weak-minded Indian female. Age no object. Must like long walks on the beach, dogs who hump legs, and applying choke-holds"."

All from here:

What makes you think I possess a dog, miss Wong? But never mind.

Is it not evident in all particulars, you sweet mincks, that precisely your sharp retorts do tempt me? Has it not been obvious that your lack of shy and subdued response is the attractive element indeed? Can you not see that the concept of a small sharp chile pepper such as you so often prove yourself to be is the magnetism that pulls the gentle Parsee only?

Spicy temptress!!!! Naughty naughty naughty!!!! Weeeeee!!!!!!

You may strike me with your purple velvet bullwhip if you choose, miss Wong. I shall not flinch. Nay, far otherwise, I await your every stroke.

Your delicate touch can do no harm, no matter the device of dominating. Even leather and studs, or riding crops and spurs.
A mere four and a half feet tall? Then I shall wuzza wuzza wuzza your little round head!

Do you come riding at me on that throbbing Kawasaki Ninja of which you so lovingly spoke?
Indeed, I await the wheel. Your burning rubber is a thrill. I would be a part of it.

You also may whatever undergarments you choose, miss Wong, I shall not belabor the detail. And I will not raise objection. French cut, boy brief, bikini - it is all very good. Even baggy granny pants (size four small if I correctly remember, yes?).
It is but a minor detail of utmost importance. Your own fine choices.
I do keenly wish you to wear whatever scantillilaces are your fancy, though I advocate a tightness around the plumpness, and not too much other coverage - breath, miss Wong, breathe!

Remember, any time you wish to dine upon my spicy prawn curry, you have but to ask.
I shall be there for you. I am here. I am a gentleman and a cook.


Very anonymous said...

So amazingly wellwritten indeed, my good man, you are utterly convincing and eloquent. Your arguments are presented in logical sequence, you make your points admirably!

I do say! Indeed.


Telmac said...


GRANT!PATEL! said...

Lyrical. And eloquent. I am a friggin genioos!

---Grant Himselfnoneother

Spiros said...

OK, now it has officially become disturbing.

Spiros said...

By the way, I suspect Ms. Wong's reference to "dogs who hump legs" may very well have been a reference to you, and not to any canine which you might, or might not, possess.

GRANT!PATEL! said...

OK, now it has officially become disturbing.

The only reason why YOU find it distrubing is because you yourself had high hopes for the little mincks. You sir are the competition. It is clear. You yourself have intellectual curiosities in her fine young sproingy qualitities. Ah, scientific pursuit!

---Grant Patel

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Scientific pursuit of the petite young Cantonese female of course best done with a large butterfly net. Catch her and mount her.

---Grant Patel

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Wait! That doesn't sound right! Not right at all!

Catch her, and put her in the equivalent of a terrarium.

Feed her lettuce.

--Grant Psuedoscientistic

GRANT!PATEL! said...

And make sure it is properly humid. Keeps the black lace flexible, and the tender mincks fropm drying out.

This is very important. She must be damp at all times.

---Grant Petkeeperzoo

Steffy said...

You are very strange.