Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Twisting your Arab knickers!

In Saudi Arabia, many lingerie stores and salescounters are staffed by men. Innocent little Arab men, who are greatly and grossly discomfitted by having to deal with the eventual occupants of the scanty frilly ornamental shmatties in question, poor blighters. That being women.

And furthermore, they often are not expert at scoping out the client and judging whether or not a particular customer and her choice of nether garment make a good match.

I shall quote:
"Because physical contact between unmarried men and women in Saudi Arabia is forbidden under strict segregation laws, women can also not be properly measured for their underwear."

Ya sayid, just eye-ball her!


Another quote:
"if a customer wants to try an item on, she first has to pay for it, and then traipse to a public toilet to see if it fits. If it doesn't, she can easily get a refund, but most women find the experience so humiliating they buy items without trying them on, only to get them home and find they don't fit and their money is wasted. "

Oh, the huMANity!

Jesus, man, for Christ's sake, just EYE-BALL the woman!!!! Judgements!!!

If a gazelle under twenty five, go for too tight, if a she-camel over thirty, best to allow for expansion and go for too loose. Trust me. I am an expert.


But if it is an unfit item that is having been acquired, the women are just as much to blame as the stutteringly incompetent male persuaded. As it says also:
"Girls don't feel very comfortable when males are selling them lingerie, telling them what size they need, and saying 'I think this is small on you, I think this is large on you", and "It's really embarrassing. They try to give comments -'this might suit you better than that' - it's really not ethical".

Sweetie pie, it's not about ethics.

It's about AESTHETICS!!!

With avidity and glad enthusiasims I herewith offer my services to the poor pantieless women of Saudi Arabia. I shall be your consultant, I am expert at while undressing you in my mental eye still leaving the last several or two skintight silken object on the hypothesized naked surfaces of your forms to protect your several maidenly modesties. I do this all the time. On the street, in the office, at the mall, while sipping my tea in various gandu coffee-shops. I am doing it now while talking to you.

So I might as well get paid for it.

ADVICE
Untill you are in your early twenties, wear French Cuts. Then go for regular Bikini Cut or Brief Cut. All in full hue because of your olive or tan skin tones. No pastels. Lace optional, highly recomended.
If you have given birth to a little sheikh or sheikhinette, it is probably time for pale pale granny pants - your life is over, and the only thing left is to eat massive amounts of buttery Arab pastries. But you got a good ride.


"Campaigners are calling for a boycott of all lingerie stores that are staffed by men."

In my professional estimation ( I am a lawyer ) that would be a blooming shame and most exceptionally unfair. I feel for the poor stuttering little Arab men who will thus see their one source of income and several sources of professional pride and happy pleasure go out the window.

Protect the Arab lingerie store men, I say! There are far too few as it is. An endangered species. An Arab selling frilly sillies is a gainfully employed person contributing vast goods to society. And also a source of potent potential expertise. Not to say even aesthetic appreciation is there. Safeguard him preciously.

7 comments:

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

That's about as perverted as I've come to expect from you. You are sick.

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Hush, little girl, these are matters beyond your limited juvenile ken. I am an expert, and a lawyer, I know these things.


---Grant Patel

DEATH BY NOODLES said...

You don't know anything, and are just a disgusting pervert. And you're old!

GRANT!PATEL! said...

Nasty little thing. You have no concept. These things are far superior to your provincial perspective only.

And you are an immature juvenile to boots. You should be quiet, and content yourself with being decorative. If you at least are relatively pimple-free, which is very much and precisely the question now isn't it.

Silly little girl. Faugh.


---Grant Pattibutts

GRANT!PATEL! said...

And I am not in the very least upset, hurt, or wounded by your pathetic recent blogpost. It merely displays how ignorant and juvenile your fractured mental process.

You have no inner life, and possibly no fond imagination.
I pity you, while never the less holding out utterly hopes for your eventuall coming around to a more businesslike and feminine attitude. I hypthesize over your shape with marginally even more scant covering than the Arabian gazelles, out of kind consideration of your nude embaressments. I consider petticoats and a bustier in addition to the French cut briefs and hot sheeny thigh-high stockings around the plump gams.

Really, you should be flatter that I even think of you at all. Huh!


---Grope Panteen

GRUNT!PATEL! said...

Sounds like Patel Sahib is considering a change of vocation.

Ron Gross said...

Sounds like Patel Sahib is a complete nut.